remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
