rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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