You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
