So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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