I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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