I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize