Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
