Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
