and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just invented taco cereal.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize