So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
