do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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