So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
