I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
