you would pick up someone in the library
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
