The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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