the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're making bets on your personal life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
