Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
