I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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