where am i from again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
