the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
