you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
