woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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