I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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