It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize