my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
3pm strippers are depressing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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