You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
