I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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