I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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