I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
