Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
