Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize