Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
