I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
