I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
