Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
