My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize