He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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