yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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