Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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