I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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