Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
