I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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