my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize