Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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