i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
