Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
