dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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