craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize