so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
