I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
