you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
