i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you had me at cake vodka
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
