She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
