I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
