Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize