I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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