You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
