I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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