What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize