Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
