she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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