May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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