i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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