never play flip cup with pint glasses
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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